Day 2 #nfldraft #philly #jawnville.

Day 2 #nfldraft #philly #jawnville.

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A Day in Jawnville: NFL Draft Day 1

If you didn’t make it down to the Parkway for Day 1 of the NFL Draft, it’s worth checking out before it leaves town. There’s a ton of exhibits and activities for the kids and they’re all free. Lines were a bit crazy on Day 1, so I’d expect lines for even getting into the NFL Draft shop. No biggy, you got all day!

Here’s some of what we saw:

As beautiful as the Parkway looked, it’s still the city so of course we saw some COCKROACHES.

Part of the main walkway is lined with large replica team helmets. It’s like being miniaturized and placed into a gumball machine full of those tiny replica NFL helmets.

Philly fans had to mock the helmet and people taking picture with hit. We saw dude mocking taking a piss on the helmet, some thumbs down and middle finger photo bombs.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Best Hat Award goes to this guy, even though it’s backwards.

People…PEOPLE…we’ve been through this before. NFL and Tie-dye DOES NOT GO TOGETHER.

Love the lofty expectations of the NFL by putting up this handy sign so that people know which can to put their trash into for recycling purposes. Are they for real? Let’s just hope the trash finds its way into a trash can period. I was there for an hour and didn’t see one person stop to look as this list of directions. They could’ve done more for the environment by simply saving this paper and not printing it up.

This just ain’t right in Philly.

In the Crazy Pants Department.

Loogie of the Day! Yes, it’s a loogie. I saw the shorter, dude in his 50’s honk this one up and expel it.

These Segways are always a VIOLATION, even on first responders.

Like Whoa…

Violation. Can’t disrespecting a @sethjoyner jersey like that. Jalen Mills, definitely.

Sometimes standing around just makes ya wanna put a towel on your head.

Nice Oilers throwback.

What the hell..part II

Mikey Miss of 97.5 consistently had one of the busier tents.

Had to close on this one. If you can’t read it, it says: “I’ll Be Your Halftime Show.”

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Wentz jerseys making their way into McGillins.

Wentz jerseys making their way into McGillins.

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4 Reasons the Eagles Should Stay Away from Christian McCaffrey

Howie Roseman and the Eagles need to stay away from Christian McCaffrey. No way, no how do I want to see McCaffrey in an Eagles helmet.

I don’t want a running back period, but McCaffrey may be the running back I want the least, even after seeing his impressive instagram training video.


FIRST, his name is McCaffrey. People will call him McCafferty for years on Philadelphia sports talk radio. McCafferty would be cute for a few weeks, but years of mispronouncing McCaffrey as McCafferty will drive all loyal sportsradio listeners completely bonkers.

SECOND, he’s a Caucasian who plays running back. No offense to Danny Woodhead, but white running backs haven’t really set the NFL world on fire in the past thirty years. Tom Rathman or John Riggins the last great ones? They played more like a fullback.

Who else is there? Merrill Hoge? Mike Alstott? Alstott was good, but also pretty much the fullback mold. Zach Zenner? Rex Burkhead? James Develin? Toby Gerhart? Peyton Hillis? And, while Danny Woodhead is a solid 3rd down back, he’s not worthy of a first round pick.

THIRD, he’s from Stanford. I’m not a fan of PAC12 running backs. I thought Reggie Bush was the next coming of O.J. Simpson. Stanford seems to be the worst PAC12 school for RBs. Here are the running backs drafted out of Stanford since 1979: Tyler Gaffney, Stepfan Taylor, Owen Marecic, Toby Gerhart (again), Casey Moore, Brian Allen, Jon Ritchie, Glyn Milburn, Brad Muster, Darrin Nelson, Phil Francis.

FOURTH, he’s got bad genes—Giants genes running through his veins. His dad Ed was drafted and played the heinous New York Football Giants. This alone should be enough to disqualify Christian from wearing Eagles Green (Kelly or Midnight).

Zero studs worthy of a first round pick in 38 years. We all have a soft-spot for Jon Ritchie, but not first round material.

I don’t feel good writing this article, because McCaffrey seems like a good kid. But, this is business.

I’m a gambling man. I rely on an analysis of trends, historical data, and odds. The trends and historical data of Caucasian RBs and Stanford RBs in the NFL individually indicate poor odds that McCaffrey will achieve great success in the NFL. If you combine them, they are abysmal. I play craps at the casinos because those are the best odds I can get in the house and I lose often. The odds of McCaffrey succeeding, based on 38 years of trends, are far worse than craps.

No thanks. If he does succeed, well then that’s just a bad beat that I’ll gladly take if I can get a starting DB or LB out of the first round instead of scoffing in the face of decades of trends.

If the football gods are shining down on Philly fans Thursday, McCaffrey will be gone by 14 so the temptation isn’t even there.

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Yards Draft Brew

The fine folks over at Yards Brewing are rolling out an IPA for the NFL Draft called Draft Day IPA. I haven’t been lucky enough to score a pint of it yet, but I did get my hands on some cool pint glasses to commemorate the release and the draft.

Keep your eye out for both the IPA and collector glasses.

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RANT: 5 Most Annoying Dog Owners (Guardians)

Philly is a dog-friendly city. From sunrise to sunset, the streets and parks are filled with Philadelphians and their pooches. Most of the dog guardians (owner implies ownership and dogs aren’t property) are good, decent, considerate people. However, as you know, every group has its share of people who buck the trend. Yes, dog guardians are no different. Unfortunately, there are annoying and inconsiderate dog guardians.

Without further adieu, here are the 5 Most Annoying Dog Guardians.

5. The “He or She’s Friendly” Guardian.

You know the type, particularly if you are guardian to a dog with social issues. You see a dog and its guardian approaching so you take your special needs buddy and create some space—a buffer zone if you will. The guardian approaching is oblivious. They want their dog to say hello. So you they move closer in your direction. You move further away. They continue to approach. Your dog gives obvious signs that he’s not looking to say hello such as stiff upright tail, pulling, breathing heavy, growling. You move further. They continue. You say, “Please, I need space.” Then, being the narcissists they are, they say “it’s okay, he’s friendly.”Good for them, right? Yours isn’t and if they get any closer there’s a good chance one of these dogs will be bitten fairly quickly and it’s probably gonna be your golden retriever. So you say, “Mine isn’t. Please stop.” AND, for what it’s worth, who would think their golden retriever isn’t friendly. These people need to take ten minutes and read up on dog body language. Please, do us all a favor. These people are clueless and dangerous. If you are one of these people, “he/she’s friendly” isn’t what you want to say. What you want to ask, at a safe distance, is something along the lines of “Can they say hello.”

4. The Public Space is Our Space Guardian.

Throughout this great city there are dozens of green public spaces where you can safely walk your pooch and they can take in the smells of grass, weeds, trees, other dogs, hypodermic needles, and used condoms. Then, comes along the guardian and his/her dog with a lacrosse stick or one of these:

They turn a nice public patch of grass into their back yard. I’ve seen this at Penn Treaty in Fishtown, FDR in South Philly, and along Front Street near South Street. These guardians launch the ball with this or a similar device. Their dog chases and returns it. Repeat. Again, narcissism at its best. They are oblivious how this affects other dogs. Other dogs, having a calm walk, are now excited and lunging/pulling trying to chase after the ball, which probably isn’t the best idea. There is no telling how the original dog would react to a strange dog taking its ball. Dogs who are leash reactive start to bug out because there is a strange dog barreling towards them while it chases after its ball. Dogs who have been abused in the past, maybe in dog fighting rings, are now frightened because there is a strange down barreling towards them.

These guardians need to do one of three things if they want to partake in this activity. 1. Move to a place where they have their own yard to play fetch. 2. Take it to a dog park. This won’t happen because they know other dogs will chase after the ball and interfere with their game of fetch. They just don’t give sh*t about how their game of fetch interferes with the other dogs in the public spaces. 3. Move to a city that doesn’t have a 6-foot leash law. Yes, Philly has a leash law. 6 feet or less. It’s there for a reason: to provide safety and basic consideration.

3. The Leash Law Don’t Apply to My Dog Guardian

Speaking of leash laws. There are privately owned green spaces throughout town that permit people and their pooches to enjoy their space. Some function as leash-free dog runs and some do not. The ones that DO NOT are kind of enough to let guardians know by posting signs indicating that leashes are required such as this one:

There is a theme here. Many of the annoying dog guardians don’t see the world from anyone else’s perspective but their own. They can’t imagine that some guardians may have chosen this spot BECAUSE OF THOSE LEASH REQUIREMENTS. Those guardians’ dogs may be aggressive, leash reactive, or fearful of other dogs due to any number of bad past experiences as a stray, in abusive circumstances, or from life at the shelter. Those dogs are not able enjoy the benefits of a dog park or run. So, they come to “safe zones” such as this to spend some quality times outdoors and in some of the best nature city life affords.

These “Leash Laws Don’t Apply To My Dog” guardians allow their leash-free dogs to run wild like it’s a dog run causing distress to other dogs who are probably there because of the fact that leashes are required. AND, 9 times out of 10 these “leash-free” guardians cannot get their dogs to return to them without yelling COME 47 times and raising their voices, which can also stress out dogs with a variety of social issues.

2. The Leave a Poop Bag Behind Guardians

These people are just plain weird. They bring a bag with them on their walks with their dogs. They pick up their dog’s poop in a plastic bag. Then, they discard the bag on the sidewalk. Like this:

These people need their dogs removed from their care and to be committed. They are obvious bat-sh*t crazy. What do they think happens to these bags? They aren’t compostable or biodegradable. They end up getting trampled on or smashed by feet or vehicles and then the poop pops out the sides or a stranger has to come and properly discard your bag of poop—usually the homeowner whose house they left the bag in front of.

1. The I Ain’t Pick Up That Sh*t Guardians.

No surprise here. The most annoying guardians are the all-time legends. They don’t even attempt to be interested in picking up after their pooches.

Who are these people? Probably Dallas Cowboy or New York Yankees fans living in Philly. There is no excuse for this. As as a guardian, I may have been caught off guard without a bag. I take my dogs home, grab a bag, and return to pick the turds up. I suspect these people don’t think poop is something that needs cleaning up after and, therefore, don’t wipe their asses after their own bowel movements. The worst.

IN CONCLUSION: It’s pretty simple if you don’t want to be an annoying guardian. Don’t worry if you are. There is still time. You just need to follow these three rules. 1. Keep your dogs on a leash unless you’re at a dog run/park where everyone entering has the full knowledge and understanding that dogs will be unleashed. 2. Watch for tell-tail (not a typo) signs that other dogs may not want to interact with your precious pooch for whatever reason. 3. If you want your dog to interact with another dog, ask “Can they say hello?” from a clearly safe distance. 4. Clean up after your dogs and properly dispose of said waste.

It’s really that easy and simple. Now, go out there, enjoy the weather, and be a good and considerate dog guardian.

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A Day in Jawnville: Phillies vs. Mets

I returned to Citizens Bank Park last night for the Clay Buchholz implosion followed by Adam Morgan doing what he does best—giving up runs.

Here are our sights, observations, and violations from last night.

The cockroach Mets fans were everywhere. This trend sucks. They may be the most annoying fanbase in the country.

Come on, lady, You’re snuggling up with a Mets fan who wears a Mr. Mets hat! Aren’t they for kids? Why? Why?! I might need a shower.

This dude is far too old to wear a glove during the game. He was upwards of 60. He was ready to go, too. Dude only removed his glove between innings, just in case.

This is dude four innings later. I don’t know how he found the time to finish that beer.

Suns Out Guns Out! Muscle-shirt-jersey is VIOLATION OF THE NIGHT.


How does paying $40 for a ticket to get into the ballpark so you can stand in line for a couple of innings and pay outlandish prices for french fries, which you could grab before or after the game with no line and much cheaper, make sense??? Game was only 3-0 at this point.


Tommy Joseph is 6’1″ 255lbs?? That’s heavier than Nigel Bradham, Mychal Kendricks, and Jordan Hicks at a similar height. Dude could use to drop a few lbs, no? Did they have to put his photo up there with a Primo’s Hoagie right near his face? Other players had ads for things like local universities or The Zoo. I was ready to see his digital face start munching on that hoagie all Pac-man-like.

And, yo, Phillies, it’s the second week. The B in the W.B. Mason sign above is already out?

That’s not the only light issue. This is week two and the “n” in Citizens is out back by the smoking lounge in left field. The light crew there needs to step up their game.

KUDOS to the addition of liquor at the ballpark. At a few stands you can score mixed drinks or shots ($10) of Tito’s, Maker’s Mark, Fireball, and more. Get it while you can. Some idiot is guaranteed to ruin it for the rest of us at some point.

In closing, I was about to rip the Phillies in an entirely separate blog piece because of this:

This is the area next to Bull’s BBQ where the kids used to be able to enjoy the Games of Baseball and race against each other around a digital diamond. Could the MLB’s most profitable team remove free activities for the kids, after removing the radar gun a few years back, to maximize profits per square footage with beer and hats in its place? I’ll admit that I thought so, until I reached out to Phillies PR guru John Brazer.

Brazer assured me that a new Games of Baseball area for the kids will replace the old one in the same space next to Bull’s BBQ and that the beer/hat kiosks are just temporary. He couldn’t give me details on what the new Games of Baseball will entail, but said that we’ll be “blown away” by what they have planned. That’s good news for all the families heading to the park in the future. He also said the pitch speed radar gun activity should be back by next homestead.

Nice work, Phillies.

As always, thanks for reading, sharing and telling your friends.


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2017 Phillies Home Opener

Three days later and I think I finally thawed out and sobered up from the Phillies 2017 Home Opener. The ballpark always feels alive on Opening Day, probably the last time all season. As usual, Opening Day was a sell-out and you know what that means, tons of good sights and VIOLATIONS.

We didn’t even need to get into the ballpark to see our first Violation.

We’ve got multiple problems with this kid. He’s wearing a Pence jersey. Pence is gone. He’s not retired. He currently plays for another team. He wasn’t even that good here. The jersey is entirely too big. We could’ve lived with this, but the bad sports-parenting here was far too outlandish to ignore. The boy is rocking Uggs and, as we know, if you ain’t Tom Brady you shouldn’t be wearing Uggs if you possess XY chromosomes. The worst of this scenario was that the kid also wore a Baltimore Ravens knit hat. A Ravens and a Phillies fan? Come on!These parents need an intervention. They have to be the leaders int he clubhouse for the Marv Marinovich Award.

Now, let’s get to the Good, Bad, and Ugly from the Opener.


Disposable cups of wine. Why did this take so long? Was this an idea on Shark Tank? Either way, it’s brilliant and long overdue. I might lean Pinot Grigio or Sauv Blanc over Chardonnay, though. Chardonnay feels so 1998.

This guy’s sweatshirt was by far the best of the day. He brought the excitement and energy needed if you’re gonna sport this sweatshirt. His friend, not so much.

I don’t know this guy’s deal, but he was in full uniform including belt, and batting gloves. He was alone most of the time we saw him, imaging that. Opening Day is like Comic Con for this dude where he dresses like his favorite sports character.

Nobody likes a welcher. That’s why this hideous sight makes it into the Good category. Obviously, he was paying off a bet being topless with a diaper over his pants while his buddies all laughed and took picture. This guy is a trooper.

Big Pimpin’ at the old ballpark is never bad. Dude and his lady friend rocked full-length fur or faux fur coats. They looked great and had to be the warmest people at the ballpark.

And now we venture into the world of VIOLATIONS.


This needs no words.

Astros? The Astros? She looked lost and confused. Maybe she’s just a little early for the July 24th series with the ‘stros.

Some fans need to get a clue. I heard an E-A-G-L-E-S chant by the 3rd inning. This was funny back in the day when the Eagles were making the playoffs and Super Bowl and the Phillies sucked. Not really funny since 2008.

Which brings us to these folks. Why would you wear Eagles or Flyers gear to the Phillies Home Opener? What’s the point? You’re gonna disrespect the Phillies like that by wearing merch from the Eagles or Flyers on their big day? Do these folks need reminding that the Phillies have won 2 World Championships since the Flyers last won anything or that the Eagles have yet to win a Super Bowl. Buy Phillies merch for Opening Day. Life isn’t this complicated. Geesh.


This is just bizarre.

SECURITY! SECURITY! A trench coat at the ballpark? Are those full jeans or just the bottom-half of the legs and he’s got a surprise for everyone? He’s heading to the merch shop so keep your eye on this dude.


Puke City. Caps gear in the format of an ugly Christmas sweater might get this dude worst dressed of the day.

Puke City 2.0. You can’t be hanging out with your dude while you’re attempting to inconspicuously cop a feel on your girl’s ass. That’s weird and it’s creepy. TOTAL VIOLATION.

Finally, we couldn’t help but notice a lack of jerseys and gear for any of the currently players. Here is a montage of the jerseys seen that day as they refer back to better days gone by set to some The Avett’s Brothers.

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Phillies are in 1st Place

Phillies win Opening Day and are in 1st Place. Here’s what the end of the game sounded like at a local watering hole and the call by Phillies PA Announcer Dan Baker

#Phillies are tied for 1st!#openingday #jawnville

A post shared by Jawn Ville (@jawnville) on

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Looks like the Mall Walking Group is out for #OpeningDay #phillies #jawnville

Looks like the Mall Walking Group is out for #OpeningDay #phillies #jawnville

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