The World Cup is here! Don’t be a curmudgeon because you’re not a huge soccer fan and miss out on this great world party. Millions of ounces, or litres if you’re not in the US, of alcohol will be consumed around the world over the next month. If you’re not down with the booze, you can watch the games with friends and a nice herbal infused Mate tea. Brazil is the host country and Mate is a popular South American non-alcohol drink so you’ll definitely be sharing the spirit.
This is a party/viewing guide, a primer, to having some social fun during the World Cup. We’re gonna focus on the top twelve teams, according to Vegas. The games of these squads should be televised and give ya a reason to head to the pub. If you’re a home-body, this primer will help make your home viewing or parties more festive. We’ll give ya a cocktail and a beer for each of the countries to get ya into the spirit while the games are played.
Beer snobs and hipsters back off. We are looking for easily accessible beers that most good liquor/beer stores should have. In many cases, they may just be the most popular beer in each country and some may be owned by evil corporate giants like InBev, etc. It’s only a month. It’s to be festive. Get over it. They are also going to be session beers of moderate abv so you can still stand after a couple of games.
I’m also sick of my Twitter timeline being filled with angry, dreary, hopeless Phillies tweets. You’re timeline may be similarly ugly. We’ll give ya some World Cup related help for that, too. We’ll give ya, in our opinion, the hottest smokeshow from each of the countries and their Twitter handle. That should add some beauty to your Twitterverse.
This is the largest country in both South America and the Latin American region. It is the world’s fifth largest country in size and population. It is also the largest Portugese-speaking country in the world. It’s primarily known for soccer (futebol), beautiful women, Carnival, and the Amazon.
Brazil has won five World Cups: 1958, 1962, 1970, 1994, 2002
COCKTAIL: The national cocktail is caipirnha, which is made with cachaça (sugar cane hard liquor pronounced kah/SHAH/sah and sometimes called Brazilian rum), sugar, and lime.
Below is a video pronouncing caipirnha so ya know how to ask for order it without sounding like a dolt:
BEER: Eisenbahn Pale. This is a Belgian styled beer of amber color, heavier mouthfeel and bitterness and with an abv of 4.8%.
If ya can’t find Eisenbahn, you may be able to score a Skol. It’s not as good a quality, but it’s Brazilian! Here’s what the bottle looks like:
SMOKESHOW: This may be the easiest selection of the day. Brazil may have the #1 ranked team and smokeshow here.
Adriana Lima @AdrianaLima
She is a Brazilian model and actress best known as a Victoria’s Secret Angel since 2000. She’s regularly one of the top five earning models in the world and was married to Serbian NBA player Marko Jaric.
Home to Diego Maradona, who was named “Best Football Player of the Century” by FIFA in 2000. He shared that title with Pele. Argentina is the fifth largest producer of wine behind Italy, France, Spain and the United States.
Argentina won the World Cup in: 1978, 1986
COCKTAIL: We have to recommend the Malbec variety of wine. Malbec has almost become synonymous with Argentina. Malbec is a purple grape variety grown predominately in the Andes. Any liquor store or decent pub should have a Malbec. Now, I don’t know if my old stomping grounds in Juniata Park have Malbecs, if they do they’ll probably be in a boxed style.
BEER: Quilmes. This is the most popular beer in Argentina, maybe all of South America. The beer is 4.90% abv. Quilmes has a 75% share of the Argentina beer market and is the sponsor of the Argentina national football team. Some have remarked that this beer is basically Argentina’s Heineken.
SMOKESHOW: Zaira Nara @zairana
This 25 year old is a model and TV host. At one point, FHM Magazine ranked her 47 in the world’s sexiest women of 2010. She’d be higher in our rankings. She has modeled for Gillette, Pantene and has a gorgeous sister Wanda, who had a sex tape leaked in Argentina where she’s seen giving fellatio.
The people of Germany drink often and they drink well. The beer is among the best in the world and so are the bratwursts. Germany is the most populous state in the European Union. It’s the country that brought the world Beethoven, Bach, Wagner, and the Scorpions. You remember the Scorps, if not I present you this:
This is a country who loves the Hoff. The earliest athlete I can remember from Germany is Boris Becker. I also knew Beckenbauer must’ve been a good soccer player because I think my youth soccer shoes were named after him.
Germany won World Cup in: 1954 and 1974
National Cocktail: Schnaps
These aren’t like the Peach Shnapps we all knew and loved as kids. They aren’t as sweet in Germany. The German term Schnaps refers to any kind of strong alcoholic drink.
The main kinds of fruit used for German Schnaps are apples, pears, plums, and cherries. Jagermeister is a Schnapps and was sometimes called Göring-Schnaps. Jager-bombs should be avoided. This is the World Cup, not the Frat Cup.
Berentzen Sour Apple is nice green apple variety. Most of the flavors by Berentzen are decent.
BEER: The choices are endless. You could go with a popular brands like Beck’s. However, we’re gonna give you a solid wheat beer and then a pilsner. Both of them should be good on a hot summer day.
For the wheat variety, we say grab a Paulaner Hefe-Weissbier Naturtrüb. Paulaner makes decent beers and is known for being one of the beers served in Oktoberfest. This contains 5.5 abv.
For the pilsner choice, we give you Radeberger at 4.8% abv. This is one of the freshest tasting, well-balanced pilsners that I had. There’s also a nice hops flavor. The brewery has been around since 1872.
Also in consideration were: Bitburger and Jever.
SMOKESHOW: Julia Stegner @JuliaStegner
This 29 year old played basketball in high school. Was called “Beanpole” due to her height. She’s near 6’0″ tall. In July 2011, she ranked No. 17 on “The Money Girls” at www.models.com. She usually rides a bike!
Spain is to art like grunge is to Seattle. Artists such as El Greco, Jose de Ribera, Francisco Zurbaran, Diego Velazquez, Pablo Picasso, Salvador Dali and many more are all from Spain. Don’t forget about the flamenco guitar!
Spain won the 2010 World Cup.
NATIONAL COCKTAIL: We gotta go sangria here. Sangria is a delicious punch made from wine, chopped fruit, sugar and a dash of brandy. It was originally named “sangre” by Portuguese peasants meaning “blood” because of its red appearance. It’s great for the summer and ya gotta serve it in glass pitchers. The fruit can include orange, lemon, lime, apple, peach, melon, berries, pineapple, grape, kiwifruit and mango. Instead of brandy, other liquids such as Seltzer, Sprite or 7-Up can be used.
HERE is a recipe for traditional Sangria.
BEER: Estrella Damm Daura. If you’re on a gluten free diet, you’re in luck. This might be the world’s first gluten free beer. It’s actually one of the better gluten free beer. This is a tasty enjoyable lager at 5.4% abv.
SMOKESHOW: Clara Alonso @ClaraAlonsonet
This 26 year old is a Spanish fashion model. The was the only Spanish model in the 2008 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. She has been the face of Guess and AX Armani Exchange.
I was lucky enough to visit Belgium on a trip through Europe in 2012. By far, Belgium had the best food and drink on our four country tour. The bread was better than Paris. The beers were better than Germany. The waffles are a s good as you’ve heard. The frites (fries) are better than you’ve heard…even with the mayo. Oddly, Belgium is said to be the biggest producer of comics per capita.
Belgium has been in eleven World Cup Finals but never won. Their greatest rival is the Netherlands.
NATIONAL COCKTAIL: This has got to be beer. This tiny country produces some of the best beers in the world. The population is 11m and they have 180 breweries. Each section of the country has their own style. Each style has their own glassware. The Belgian monks are master brewers.
Stella Artois is Belgian. If that’s all you have access to, then you gotta do what you have to do. Otherwise, go large for the World Cup. You can’t go wrong grabbing a Trappist beer (brewed on a monastery) from any of these breweries: Achel, Chimay, Orval, Rochefort, or Westmalle. Beware, they are all above 7 % abv.
Duvel, a blonde, strong Belgian Ale is also a nice choice.
My personal favorite is LaChouffe. I don’t know what it is about the little gnomes, but I’m a fan. For me, it’s the perfect combination of fruit, spice and alcohol. It is 8% abv. Some pubs such as the P.O.P.E. and O’Neal’s have it either on draft or larger bottles.
SMOKESHOW: Jessica Van Der Steen (No Twitter)
We thought about disqualifying Van Der Steen for the lack of a Twitter account, but we can’t overlook her talents. Ingrid Vandebosch was in the running, but all she does is tweet out pictures of her family with husband Jeff Gordon. That’s no fun. Jessica has been in a few Swimsuit Issues and is currently a model with Victoria’s Secret.
France is the second most populated country in the EU with 67 million people. It has the world’s fifth largest military budget and third largest stockpile of nuclear weapons. They have miles of catacombs lined with nothing but stacks of human bones. You can great amazing bottles of wine for the equivalent of $4. The people were nothing but nice when I visited.
France won their first and only World Cup in 1998.
It’s hard not to think about France and the World Cup and not think about the Zidane headbutt to Marco Materazzi in the 2006 Final against Italy.
NATIONAL COCKTAIL: Champagne.
Forget beer. We are not going to have a French beer in this list. There are simply too many great wines. For the World Cup, we have to go champagne. This is a special event. We aren’t talking about sparkling wines or prosecco. Champagne can only be champagne if it’s produced with grapes grown in the Champagne region of France. The downside is that real champagne can’t be had cheap. This will set you back about $40. It’s the price of a good case of beer. Do it for the World cup!
You can go all Golden Globes style and grab a bottle of Moet. We are gonna recommend: Piper-Heidsieck Brut Cuvee.
It consistently scores well with Wine Spectator, usually in the 84 range. It’s a classic, full-bodied Champagne with a citrus flavor.
Piper-Heidsieck Cuvée Brut is a classic, structured, full-bodied and bursting with fruit Champagne. The blend is composed of a majority of Pinots Noirs, incorporating more than 100 crus from around the Champagne region and Pinots Meuniers from the Grande et Petite Montagne de Reims region.
Here’s a recent review:
“Toasty aromas leap from the glass in this deliciously mature wine. It is soft but still very dry, with acidity tamed by both fine, mature fruit and a creamy texture that sits well in the mouth. This is a very fine, tasty wine.”
92 Points Wine Enthusiast
BEER: See Above
SMOKESHOW: Berenice Marlohe (No Twitter)
SMOKESHOW 1A: Noemie Lenoir @NoemieLenoirOff
They are like our big brother who we outgrew and kicked out of the big bedroom so we could have it all to ourselves. They’ve also given us more great rock music than any other country.
Won the World Cup in 1966.
NATIONAL COCKTAIL: Tea will work here, but not really festive. Gin on the other hand can be the life of the party. It’s summer, England is on the telly and a gin and tonic is in your hand. Tanqueray will work nicely. It’s the only gin made with whole fruits rather than dried peel, which gives it a nice fruity flavor.
It’s the only gin made with whole citrus fruits rather than dried peel, creating a crisp, dry gin with a fresh, fruity and citric flavour, ideal for an incredibly sophisticated and elegant Martini.
BEER: You can do Newcastle or Bass if that’s available. We’re recommending Tetley’s English Ale. At 3.6% abv you can pound these all day. That’s a good thing because they go down nice and creamy smooth.
SMOKESHOW: Rosie Huntington-Whitely @RosieHW
The 27 year old English model and actress was Carly in the 2011 Transformers: Dark of the Moon film. She’s also worked for Victoria’s Secret and Burberry.
Really? Can we do a smokeshow of England section without Naomi Campbell? Of course not.
Naomi Campbell @NaomiCampbell
Michaelangelo, Da Vinci, Chicken Parmigiana, Pizza, Albert Tomba, the Vatican, The Godfather.
Italy is the second most successful team in World Cup history. They’ve won the Cup in 1934, 1938, 1982, 2006.
NATIONAL COCKTAIL: GRAPPA is a uniquely Italian drink made from pomace, the discarded grape seeds, stalks and stems leftover from the winemaking process. This drink has been around since the middle ages. This “firewater” is usally sipped after meals.
I have no idea how to to make it so you’re left to your own googling skills.
BEER: Peroni Nastro Azzurro 5.10% abv.
This is a European Pale Ale. Light in body, color and taste. There are no distinct tastes that jump out at you. It’s not the greatest beer in the world, but can be refreshing on a hot day. Make sure it’s cold.
SMOKESHOW: Bianca Balti @Bianchina_Balti
Colombia is extremely ethnically diverse. In fact, it’s one of the world’s 17 megadiverse countries and is considered the most megadiverse country per square kilometer.
Colombia have never won the World Cup.
NATIONAL COCKTAIL: Aguardiente. This is an alcoholic beverage that tastes of anise. The word aguardiente combines the latin-based words for “water”(agua) and “fiery” (ardiente). As we like to call it “firewater.” Almost every celebration in Colombia will include shots of aguardiente.
BEER: Aguila 4% abv
No promises here. I haven’t had it, but it’s widely available. I’ve read that it’s in the style of an American Lager. I’m getting the vibe that it’s the Coors Light of Colombia. However, it is Colombian!
SMOKESHOW: We know Sofia Vergara and Shakira. Both worthy names, but you creepsters are probably already following them. Honestly, they may not be in the same league as Catalina Otalvaro @kataotalvaro. So ridiculous that she needs four photos. Don’t believe it? Take a gander:
She’s 22 and often referred to as the Colombian Adriana Lima.
This is the second-smallest country in South America in terms of area and have a total population that’s roughly the same size as Chicago, Uruguay, on the east coast of South America south of Brazil and east of Argentina, is comparable in size to Oklahoma.
Uruguay won the first World Cup in 1930 and then again in 1950
NATIONAL COCKTAIL: Medio y Medio (Half and Half)
This is a cocktail of half sparkling wine and half white wine dry. The best-selling brand is from the restaurant Roldos. Traditionally only white was used, but currently there are pink and red versions.
BEER: Patricia 5.0% abv is our beer recommendation. Pilsen may be easier to find, but if a poorly made popular beer marketed to the young, party crowds. If that’s your scene, then Pilsen is your beer. However, keep your eyes out for Patricia. It’s a better beer in an American Lager style.
SMOKESHOW: Barbar Mori @Delamori
She started out as a kid actor and became the star of a soap opera called Azul Tequila. She has starred in several films and music videos.
Portugal is recognized as one of the world’s most globalized and peaceful nations. In 2010, Portugal became the eighth country in the world to recognize same-sex marriage on a national level. They are also the first country in the world to fully decriminalize the usage of all drugs back in 2001.
Portugal has never one the World Cup. 2014 will be their six appearance.
NATIONAL COCKTAIL: Port Wine is of course the national liquor. Port can be a bit too sweet to drink throughout the course of a match. It’s more of a dessert wine. Lucky for you, the Portonic exists.
This is perfect for the summer. It’s refreshing and low in alcohol. White Port is usually used in the Portonic. It’s bascially White Port and tonic.
Here’s the simple recipe:
- 1 part White Port
- 1 part Tonic Water
- a twist of orange or an orange wedge
BEER: Sagres 5.0% abv is a pale lager. It’s light, as is the theme with summer drinking, and is widely appreciated for it’s freshness. Sagres sponsors the Liga Portuguesa Futebol.
SMOKESHOW: Sara Sampaio @Sara_Sampaio
Paradise. When I walked into my first coffee shop, the British budtender behind the counter asked if this was my first time in Amsterdam. I replied “yes.” He responded with “Welcome to paradise.” He wasn’t kidding. The people were nice. The women were beautiful. Bikes are everywhere. Check out the 3-story bike parking lot.
COCKTAIL: Jenever. This basically Dutch Gin. The key ingredient is the Juniper berry. There are two main types of jenever known as “jonge” and “oude”,or young and old jenever. “Oude” is yellowish, aromatic, and mellow because it has a higher malt content than “Jonge”, which is clear in color and blander in taste. Both, however, share common elements. They are made up of juniper berries, grain and molasses alcohol.
Jenever is also often cited as the forerunner of modern Gin. Jenever has also been credited with inspiring the term “Dutch Courage” for its warming and calming properties before a battle.
BEER: Grolsch 5.0% abv.
The Netherlands exports the largest proportion of beer of any country in the world – approximately 50% of production, according to The Brewers of Europe. There are three main brewery companies in the Netherlands: Heineken (Amstel), Grolsch and Bavaria. We like Grolsch the best of the three and it is readily available. Plus, it has the swing-top lid with a rubber gasket. Ya don’t need an opener and your home-brew buddy can reuse the botter.
Grolsch Brewery was founded in 1615.
SMOKESHOW: This is a tie simply because it’s one of our favorite pictures from the Netherlands. Dutch Field Hockey players Eva De Goede @Evadegoede and Ellen Hoog @EllenHoog. Eva is on the right and Ellen is on the left. Thank you Sports Illustrated!
Eva on the left and Ellen on the right
That concludes our Guide to World Cup. Thanks to SI, Google Images, Wikipedia, and all my creeper buddies who submitted their suggestions. Thank you for reading. Enjoy the booze responsibly, but most of all ENJOY THE WORLD CUP!
*For other nonsense such as this, follow: @ViolationsGreg on Twitter and Violations Greg on Facebook