Super Bowl Party Violations

Logo-Super_Bowl_XLIX_Arizona

[UPDATED for 2015]

It’s Super Bowl weekend. Party plans are in full effect.  Friends will gather.  Drinks will be had.  Food will be eaten. A game will be watched.  Fun will be had by all, but at what costs? It’s imperative during this event that you do not get caught up in the “hoopla” and end up throwing a party full of VIOLATIONS.  The influence from non-sports fans can be a persuasive one.

You still have time to get your head back on straight and remember this is a football game. Below is a list of ten egregious Super Bowl Party Violations.  If you find yourself about to commit one of these violations, take a deep breath and change those plans.  We won’t hold it against you for falling prey to those non-sports peers.

Enjoy your party.  Enjoy the game.  But, don’t sell out your sports soul.

SUPER BOWL PARTY VIOLATIONS:

1. THEMES – No jersey requirements, no color requirements, no nothing requirements. This means no cray paper or streamers, etc.

elysian-brewing-logo2. CORPORATE BEER ONLY – Gotta have a microbrew from each of the two competing cities if you’re having a party. Grab something from Seattle’s Elysian Brewing, before the Anheuser-Busch buyout affects this great line of beers. Everything they do is tasty and they even have vegan brews if you socialize with those types.  I’m a fan of the Zephrus Pilsner. For Boston/New England you can definitely go Sam Adams, but I’m not really a fan of any of their brews. Boston based Harpoon has a nice IPA that is readily available in the area. If you wanna go with a New England theme, New Hampshire’s Smuttynose does a job with most of their brews. They have a nice IPA, as well.

3. SHORT-TERM TV BUY – You know the people who go to Best Buy and buy a large screen TV for their Super Bowl party only to return it on Monday.  Yo, go to Rent-A-Center. Those people working at Best Buy don’t need the additional hassle for their $10/hour gig.  Plus, you can’t relax and enjoy the game because you’re too busy worrying about people scratching the TV or dropping food/drinks on it.

4. MUSIC – This is a football game.  Keep your DJ’ing skills to DJ hero.  People want to hear the broadcast.

5. FANCY SNACKS – Snacks designed like stadiums or footballs are a VIOLATION as is anything LOADED. No Loaded nachos, fries or tator tots.  Just serve some chips, pretzels and tortilla chips for crying out loud. Unless of course, you are gonna create this…

its-a-stadium-nope-thats-food

6. YELLING ABOUT YOUR BOX – Not that box.  Your Super Bowl Box.  No one cares what numbers you need to hit the end of the first quarter to hit with your Super Box Box. You wanna play a box, fine.  Keep it to yourself.  If ya can’t, don’t look at your numbers until the end of the game so you can just enjoy the game as it unfolds. Everyone is worried about our own numbers. Just tell us if you win.

7. SUPER BOWL COMMERCIAL BINGO – These people are dangerous and should be avoided.  They make up bingo cards that have company names like Coke or Budweiser and things like cars, oceans, bucket in the bingo squares.  You cross off a block if a commercial shows something on your card.  NO BINGO. NO GAMES AT ALL! Proof that this does in fact happen:

bingo

8. FOOTBALL THEMED CLOTHING/ACCESSORIES. Just like Christmas sweaters are usually a bad idea. There’s no need for sweaters with generic footballs on them or football themes. Forget about your football earrings, too. Katy Perry was a classic example of this yesterday:

AP SUPER BOWL FOOTBALL S FBN ENT USA AZ

9. SHUSHING PEOPLE DURING COMMERCIALS – Football fans want to discuss the game during commercials—plays, coaching strategy, etc.  You can watch the commercials on Youtube after the game in case you missed something witty.  Actually, you can probably watch most of them on that new-fangled Intranet before the game.

10. PUNCH.  One bowl is enough. The Super Bowl.  No punch bowls.  Jungle Juice is the only exception.  Not really an exception either because Jungle Juice should be in a bucket or trashcan.