PSA: Express Line Item Limits

As mayor of Jawnville, every now and then I have to issue a Public Service Announcement for the benefit of our wonderful village. This becomes especially important when self-righteous individuals put their wants/needs/desires ahead of and to the detriment of the rest of the inhabitants. We’re a community people!

This brings us to this woman:

EXPRESSLANE

I ventured into the SuperFresh at 10th and South Street to pick up a few things for Sunday football watching. That’s my Gulden’s mustard and Wise Onion Rings at the bottom left corner of the screen. This store is inherently molasses slow. There is always a line, no matter the time or day you visit.

On this Sunday, the lines were particularly long, except for the 15 Items or Less Express Line. That line had a meager three people in it. I stepped in line with my two items and pulled out my phone to make a quick wager on the 4:00 games (Oakland-winner). That’s when I heard a female voice say: “I’m sorry, I didn’t know I had more than 15 items.”

I looked up from my phone and saw the above woman. She didn’t know she had more than 15 items? She had 12 CAN OF CAT FOOD ALONE! I lost count at 27 items.

This lady’s time was so valuable that she didn’t have to follow the 15 items or less rule. She didn’t worry about holding up the people behind her by a few minutes. She knew what she was doing and she didn’t give a sh*t.

Some people have argued that the cans of cat food would all count as one item. Now, if they all had the same UPC code and the clerk could enter the amount and do one scan, that could be a grey area. Although, that would leave room for someone to purchase 125 2-liters of Pepsi and the bagging of those sodas would be far too time-consuming for an Express Line. With that in mind, I think we have to conclude that every product that has its own distinct UPC code is an item.

One can’t fault the cashier, though she could have told the woman she needs to get into a regular line. However, the cashier is probably make $12/hour and doesn’t need the headache of some crazy lady getting all irate in her grill about item counts.

Why can’t these cash registers/scanners be programmed by the manager to stop scanning items after the Express Line item limit is reached? That would take the awkwardness away from the cashiers and force these self-consumed rule-breakers to abide by the item limit.

Yes, these people are among us. They believe their time or agenda is above common rules of commerce and courtesy. If you know them, stop them. If it’s you, please stop it. Cheaters may prosper in this case, but you’re kind of being a dick to everyone behind you.

If it says 15 items, it’s 15 items. If you have 16, get in the regular line!