A Day in Jawnville: Phillies vs. Mets

I returned to Citizens Bank Park last night for the Clay Buchholz implosion followed by Adam Morgan doing what he does best—giving up runs.

Here are our sights, observations, and violations from last night.

The cockroach Mets fans were everywhere. This trend sucks. They may be the most annoying fanbase in the country.

Come on, lady, You’re snuggling up with a Mets fan who wears a Mr. Mets hat! Aren’t they for kids? Why? Why?! I might need a shower.

This dude is far too old to wear a glove during the game. He was upwards of 60. He was ready to go, too. Dude only removed his glove between innings, just in case.

This is dude four innings later. I don’t know how he found the time to finish that beer.

Suns Out Guns Out! Muscle-shirt-jersey is VIOLATION OF THE NIGHT.


How does paying $40 for a ticket to get into the ballpark so you can stand in line for a couple of innings and pay outlandish prices for french fries, which you could grab before or after the game with no line and much cheaper, make sense??? Game was only 3-0 at this point.


Tommy Joseph is 6’1″ 255lbs?? That’s heavier than Nigel Bradham, Mychal Kendricks, and Jordan Hicks at a similar height. Dude could use to drop a few lbs, no? Did they have to put his photo up there with a Primo’s Hoagie right near his face? Other players had ads for things like local universities or The Zoo. I was ready to see his digital face start munching on that hoagie all Pac-man-like.

And, yo, Phillies, it’s the second week. The B in the W.B. Mason sign above is already out?

That’s not the only light issue. This is week two and the “n” in Citizens is out back by the smoking lounge in left field. The light crew there needs to step up their game.

KUDOS to the addition of liquor at the ballpark. At a few stands you can score mixed drinks or shots ($10) of Tito’s, Maker’s Mark, Fireball, and more. Get it while you can. Some idiot is guaranteed to ruin it for the rest of us at some point.

In closing, I was about to rip the Phillies in an entirely separate blog piece because of this:

This is the area next to Bull’s BBQ where the kids used to be able to enjoy the Games of Baseball and race against each other around a digital diamond. Could the MLB’s most profitable team remove free activities for the kids, after removing the radar gun a few years back, to maximize profits per square footage with beer and hats in its place? I’ll admit that I thought so, until I reached out to Phillies PR guru John Brazer.

Brazer assured me that a new Games of Baseball area for the kids will replace the old one in the same space next to Bull’s BBQ and that the beer/hat kiosks are just temporary. He couldn’t give me details on what the new Games of Baseball will entail, but said that we’ll be “blown away” by what they have planned. That’s good news for all the families heading to the park in the future. He also said the pitch speed radar gun activity should be back by next homestead.

Nice work, Phillies.

As always, thanks for reading, sharing and telling your friends.



Mayor of Jawnville. Sports-junkie, writer, observer of the absurd. I rarely wear a suit, but when I do it's a 40R. Juniata Park & North Catholic proud.

About Greg

Mayor of Jawnville. Sports-junkie, writer, observer of the absurd. I rarely wear a suit, but when I do it's a 40R. Juniata Park & North Catholic proud.
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