Thank God for Jerry Jones

As I enjoy the two weeks leading up to the Sunday Night Football battle between our Philadelphia Eagles and the Dallas Cowboys, one thought came to mind: THANK GOD FOR JERRY JONES.

We all love to hate a good heel. Darth Vader. Joker. Vince McMahon. Chris Christie. Putin. Lavar Ball. Skip Bayless. They all hold a special place in our hearts that evokes passionate feelings of hate and loathing. God, we despise them and that makes cheering for their demise so damn enjoyable.

That’s why this guy is exactly what we need in the NFL.

Look at that face. Don’t you just hate it? The evil Cryptkeeper. To make him more vile, he hangs with other heels and shoves it in your face.

Imagine this Dallas Cowboys team without him. Imagine the Rooney Family owning the Cowboys. We’d be left to summons up hate for Dez, Dak, Zeke, and Jason Garrett.

Dez is what he is. He’s on the downside of his career and never reached the arrogance level of Michael Irvin, Deion, or T.O. He’s like a hateable Cowboy light.

Dak is the personality equivalent of spaghetti. You don’t love it like a good rigatoni or linguine, but you don’t hate it like a bland penne. He’s fine.

Zeke is a JO, but, unfortunately, if feels like there’s nothing super JO-ish about him in this current state of the NFL. If you’re gonna hate a team for one of their players allegedly committing crimes, you’re gonna hate half the NFL. And, he’s not playing this week. Hard to rile up the hate when dude isn’t even gonna be in the building.

Jason Garrett looks like a twelve-year-old. You can’t be hating on kids. They don’t know what they’re doing and neither does he. He usually just rides the coattails of a solid defensive coordinator.

That brings us to Jerruh. He’s the creepy used-car salesman you can’t shake. He boldly obnoxious. He had to have the largest in-stadium video display screen in the world. He’s an egomaniac who instilled himself as the teams General Manger. He had to have the NFL draft in Dallas, even though Philly was the greatest Draft event in NFL history. He supported Roger Goodell, while he viciously went after Tom Brady and the Patriots over a slightly deflated football, but threatens Goodell’s compensation and job when he suspends Zeke Elliott for allegedly assaulting a woman.

Total douche.

When you sit down with your friends on Sunday night to watch the game, take a moment and give thanks. Thank the football gods or whatever god you believe in for putting the vile Dallas Cowboys in the hands of total slime-ball. Take stock of the ill-feelings you get every time NBC shows him sitting in his owner’s box.

It’s gonna feel so good to embarrass him in his own house.

Oh, and did you know he likes glory holes?

Greg

Mayor of Jawnville. Sports-junkie, writer, observer of the absurd. I rarely wear a suit, but when I do it's a 40R. Juniata Park & North Catholic proud.

About Greg

Mayor of Jawnville. Sports-junkie, writer, observer of the absurd. I rarely wear a suit, but when I do it's a 40R. Juniata Park & North Catholic proud.
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