First Round Caucasian Evasion

by Posted on

I like Caucasians.  Let’s set that straight.  Some of my best friends happen to be Caucasian. I don’t necessarily participate in activities such as line-dancing, camping, driving Vespa Scooters, or listening to Taylor Swift, but I can appreciate people who do.  I respect the workmanship of a SAAB or a Volvo.   I’ve been known to associate with a vegan or two.  I have even watched a few episodes of Jay Leno.  Hell, I live with a Caucasian woman.

I am not racist in any way against Caucasians.  However, in no way, shape or form do I want the 76ers drafting a Caucasian in the first round of the 2014 NBA Draft.  That’s not for fear of a locker room being filled with the Caucasian sounds of artists such as Barbara Streisand, Duran Duran or One Direction.  I’m just a guy who likes to bet with the odds in his favor.

Luckily, there is no Great White Hope in contention for one of the top three spots in the draft.  Unfortunately, Caucasians Nik Stauskas and Doug “McBuckets” McDermott are enticing for many at the 10th pick in the draft.  Stauskas and McBuckets are especially popular among my Bocce Ball League teammates.

It pains me to type this as I eat a yogurt and listen to Tom Sawyer by Rush, but these guys need to be avoided by the 76ers because their positions of Shooting Guard and Small Forward are two positions where Caucasians historically don’t see a great amount of success.  I know…I know…Manu Ginobili and Gordon Hayward are nice players.  They, however, are rare exceptions.  At the Power Forward and Center position, feel free to draft all the smoothie drinking Caucasians your heart desires.  The odds of success are much better in those positions.

When you add in the 76ers history of drafting Caucasians in the first round, it’s a no-brainer to evade them their first round temptations.  Since 1979, the Sixers have drafted eight Caucasian players in the first round.  Two have had moderate success (Nikola Vucevic 11.4/ppg and Keith Van Horn 16/ppg).  The rest are a bunch as talented as the Washington Generals.

Montage_White_PlayersChristian Welp – 3.3/ppg
Jiri Welsch – 6.1/ppg
Jim Spanarkel – 9.7/ppg
Shawn Bradley – 8.1/ppg
Leo Rautins – 1.7/ppg
Mark McNamara – 3.5/ppg

The eight first round Caucasians combine to average a whopping 6.9 Points Per Game. That’s a trend that I cannot go against, no matter how lights out the shooting Stauskas or McBuckets looked playing against the lumbering Big 10 or a watered-down Big East.

Do not believe the hype.  Resist the temptation.  When that number 10 pick comes up and the Sixers are on the clock, I’d like to hear a collective Delaware Valley chant of “Caucasian Evasion!”

I’d also like to recommend the 76ers take a run at Michigan Forward Mitch McGary in the second round.  See, it’s not all Caucasian players that I’m against.  Just the ones in the first round for the Sixers.

Time to roll to a yoga class!

For more articles such as this follow: @ViolationsGreg on Twitter and Violations Greg on Facebook

*For Full Disclosure the author of this entry is of the Caucasian persuasion.