PSA: Super Bowl Party Violations

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Super-Bowl-50-Logo[UPDATED FOR 2016]

It’s Super Bowl weekend. Party plans are in full effect.  Friends will gather.  Drinks will be had.  Food will be eaten. A game will be watched.  Fun will be had by all, but at what costs? It’s imperative during this event that you do not get caught up in the “hoopla” and end up throwing a party full of VIOLATIONS.  The influence from non-sports fans can be a persuasive one.


BOWL PARTY VIOLATIONS:

1. THEMES – No jersey requirements, no color requirements, no nothing requirements. This means no cray paper or streamers, etc.

2. CORPORATE BEER ONLY – Gotta have a microbrew from each of the two competing cities if you’re having a party. Grab something from Charlotte’s NoDa Brewing Company like their Hop Drop N’ Roll IPA. This is a mighty tasty IPA, but can be a little difficult to find. It’s 7.2% so take your time with them, if you find it. For Denver, anything by Great Divide Brewing Company should fit the bill. I’d recommend the Titan IPA or the Hibernation Ale. That Hibernation is 8.70% so be warned. I haven’t checked the weather for Philly, but if it’s warm go IPA, cold go Hibernation. Simple. If you can’t find either of those, go Yards from Philly. It’s football, it’s a game of inches and yards so that always works.

beers

3. SHORT-TERM TV BUY – You know the people who go to Best Buy and buy a large screen TV for their Super Bowl party only to return it on Monday.  Yo, go to Rent-A-Center. Those people working at Best Buy don’t need the additional hassle for their $10/hour gig.  Plus, you can’t relax and enjoy the game because you’re too busy worrying about people scratching the TV or dropping food/drinks on it.

4. MUSIC – This is a football game.  Keep your DJ’ing skills to DJ hero.  People want to hear the broadcast.

5. FANCY SNACKS – Snacks designed like stadiums or footballs are a VIOLATION as is anything LOADED. No Loaded nachos, fries or tator tots.  Just serve some chips, pretzels and tortilla chips for crying out loud. Unless of course, you are gonna create this…

its-a-stadium-nope-thats-food

6. YELLING ABOUT YOUR BLOCK – No one cares what numbers you need to hit the end of the first quarter to hit with your Super Bowl block. You wanna play a block, fine. Keep it to yourself.  If ya can’t, don’t look at your numbers until the end of the game so you can just enjoy the game as it unfolds. Everyone is worried about our own numbers. Just tell us if you win.

7. SUPER BOWL COMMERCIAL BINGO – These people are dangerous and should be avoided.  They make up bingo cards that have company names like Coke or Budweiser and things like cars, oceans, bucket in the bingo squares.  You cross off a block if a commercial shows something on your card.  NO BINGO. NO GAMES AT ALL! Proof that this does in fact happen:

bingo

8. FOOTBALL THEMED CLOTHING/ACCESSORIES. Just like Christmas sweaters are usually a bad idea. There’s no need for sweaters with generic footballs on them or football themes. Forget about your football earrings, too. Katy Perry was a classic example of this yesterday:

AP SUPER BOWL FOOTBALL S FBN ENT USA AZ

9. SHUSHING PEOPLE DURING COMMERCIALS – Football fans may want to discuss the game during commercials—plays, coaching strategy, etc.  You can watch the commercials on Youtube after the game in case you missed something witty.  Actually, you can probably watch most of them on that new-fangled Intranet before the game.

10. PUNCH.  One bowl is enough. The Super Bowl.  No punch bowls.  Jungle Juice is the only exception.  Not really an exception either because Jungle Juice should be in a bucket or trashcan.

11. DRINKING GAMES. The Super Bowl is the game. It’s the Super Bowl. No need for shots at turnovers or touchdowns. Drinking games based on television shows are for shows that are boring and predictable…like The Bachelor.